You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
