it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
