So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
sarcasm needs its own font
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
