You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
