she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
