Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
