Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
