idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
