as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
