Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
