Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
