Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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