I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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