Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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