you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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