She's JV to your varsity
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
