My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
