You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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