forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
