my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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