i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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