It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Randomize
