i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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