I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
mondays should just be called national damage control day
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
