why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
two words: eviction party
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
