we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
