I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
