I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
