....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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