I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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