She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
