my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
