I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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