i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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