You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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