My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
