Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
