you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
