Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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