then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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