So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
