In the future we'll all be gay
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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