I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
