Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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