Pants 0. Shit 1.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
