Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
