I faked an abortion last night.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
