The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
