There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
