There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
