He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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