sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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