You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
