we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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