There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
